I "Be"

I came to drink the waters of Bethel. 

I shoved my life in ‘ole Jukey and with momma 

Drove eighteen thousand and eleven miles. 

I wonder how far the journey to Jacob’s well felt? 

To draw water of destiny and the plans you have for me. 

To learn to worship more freely.

To give you more space.

More time.

To see you 

Face 

To 

Face.

I tried every trick 

To work water from that well.

But it didn’t fit. 

It didn’t make sense. 

So I laid it all down—

You said,

“I’m not your slave master.

I call you friend."

I let out all I’d been holding within. 

Of the walls of my Jericho,

I finally let go. 

I could breathe again. 

I found you in my shambles.

I found you in my shame.

I found you in my secrets.

And I found you in my pain.

I let go of the bucket.

It wasn’t big enough to hold it:

All you had in your arms for me,

All you hung on the cross to give me.

It was 

Overwhelming.

It was

More than enough.

It was 

More than I could bear

Or make up for.

It was more than I had ever seen before.

More than I’d noticed,

More than I’d ever thought,

Or ever dreamed.

Still you gave it all to me.

You gave 

All of You

To me. 

The vessel I carried could not contain.

You filled me with your presence. 

You climbed beneath my skin. 

Indwelling,

Ever present,

Emmanuel.

You live within.

You poured out your love.

Stripped me of my works.

Looked at me naked and defenseless

And said,

“You are enough.”

I learned to rest. 

I learned to be.

I learned to find you.

I learned to be with you. 

I learned to like you. 

I learned to hold you. 

I learned to be in love,

Not just love you. 

You placed me in a family of 

Sixty-five or so. 

They loved me 

And chose me,

Even in my lows

And my bear-boned state.

I learned how to live without the walls.

Without the facades,

Without the self-protection,

And made up projections. 

I learned I have something to say—

And I’ll say it:

You wanted nothing of me.

No performance.

Not perfection.

You want me. 

Just me.

I’m the jar. 

I am the chest. 

Hiding gold inside humans

Is what you do best. 

I have something to say—

And I’ll say it:

I’m not afraid of my past. 

There’s a man who hung on a tree

Many moons ago 

To set

You and me 

Free. 

His name is Jesus.

He is man,

He is King. 

He’s the best thing that’s

Ever happened to me. 

Here’s what I have to say—

Hear me say it:

I love the man Jesus. 

He set me free. 

He healed me

And filled me

And taught me to dream.

He is my everything. 

I have nothing without him.

He is 

What makes me

Me. 

I will speak—

I will say it:

I’ve met that man,

This man Jesus. 

He is kind 

And he is holy. 

He told me all I’d ever done.

Showed me he was there all along. 

My past no longer stings. 

Now I get to be—

free. 

• • •

 

I

"be"

a reflection of my journey during BSSM1

• • •